Asians and Hobbies: Oops… Did We Just Touch the Elephant in the Room?

Last week I tried a hobby.

Just… a hobby.

I painted. Slowly. Badly. Joyfully. And when I finished, a strange voice inside me said:

“You wasted time. You could’ve answered emails. You could’ve been productive.”

And I caught myself laughing — because that voice has been running my brain for over a decade now.

This is what survival culture sounds like when you try to rest.

We Were Never Taught How to Play

Let’s talk about hobbies — yes, that awkward topic. The one that makes many of us laugh nervously and change the subject. For many of us who grew up in Asian families, hobbies weren’t something you discovered. They were something you were assigned: piano, dance, vocal training, sports, coding, olympiad prep. On paper, it looked balanced — academics and extracurriculars.

But underneath, there was often an unspoken understanding: this is fine… as long as it doesn’t interfere with studying. Hobbies were allowed, but rarely just for joy. They quietly carried expectations — excellence, medals, certificates, proof that time wasn’t being “wasted.”

Then Came Grade 10. You know exactly what I’m talking about.

Board exams. Pressure. The “do or die” phase. Somewhere between tuition classes and late-night revisions, hobbies were gently — or abruptly — packed away. The guitar went back into its case. Dance shoes into the cupboard. Sketchbooks under the bed. Not because anyone said stop forever — but because survival took priority. And once packed away, they were rarely spoken about again.

Not because anyone said stop forever — but because survival took priority. And once packed away, they were rarely invited back.

Now We’re Adults Who Don’t Know How to Enjoy Free Time

We studied. We worked. We became responsible. And now, after work, many of us sit on the couch scrolling through our phones, watching other people sing, paint, run marathons, play instruments — wondering vaguely why evenings feel so empty. We tell ourselves we’re tired, busy, too old, or “not good anymore.” But the truth is, We were never taught how to enjoy something without needing it to prove our worth.

So here we are — adults who don’t know what to do with free time. Adults who confuse rest with scrolling. Adults who say “I don’t have hobbies” when what we really mean is I forgot how to play without pressure.

And no — this isn’t about blaming our parents or our culture. Our families were navigating survival, stability, and limited options. Excellence felt safer than exploration. Structure felt protective. They gave us what they knew. But now, we get to decide what stays — and what we gently unlearn.

Reclaiming Hobbies Is Healing

It’s not too late.

Not too late to pull that guitar out of the cupboard.

Not too late to dance badly in your living room.

Not too late to paint without showing anyone.

Not too late to try something simply because it feels good — not impressive.

Hobbies don’t have to lead anywhere. They don’t need to be monetized, optimized, or posted. They’re not a side hustle. They’re a way back to yourself. Especially for those of us raised in survival mode, reclaiming play is a nervous-system shift. It teaches your body that you are allowed to exist without proving anything.

And yes — it can feel scary at first. When you slow down, all the old voices get louder. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re doing something new.

If this resonated, you’re not late— you’re unpacking years of conditioning.

So maybe tonight, instead of scrolling… open that cupboard.

You might find more than a forgotten hobby in there.

You might find a part of yourself that’s been waiting patiently to be invited back.

This is the kind of work I do with my clients: helping them unlearn survival mode and reconnect with themselves in safer, gentler ways.

You’re welcome to reach out when you’re ready.

If you’re located in Ontario, Canada, and would like to explore how therapy can support you, I invite you to schedule a free 15-minute consultation. Let’s see if we’re a good fit and take the next steps together.

Warmth & Care,

Mousumi.